Children Behaviour Insights and Tips

Children’s behaviour can sometimes feel confusing, frustrating, or even impossible to manage. Parents often face complaints, resistance, or repeated challenges—and wonder, “Why do they act this way?”

Gaining insight into your child’s behaviour is the first step toward understanding rather than judging.

For many children, especially those with neurodevelopmental differences such as dyslexia, dyslexia, ADHD or ASD, what appears as defiance or stubbornness may actually be a response to stress. Their experience of the world is different. For these children, something you ask them to do, that seems harmless and easy to you, may be experienced by them as dangerous and difficult or just very uncomfortable. Think of these as invisible threats outside their control.

By seeing the world from your child’s perspective, you can move from frustration to collaboration, helping them feel safe, understood, and better able to cooperate.

Use Insight to Support Your Child

Understanding where these behaviors come from can often completely change family dynamics and make life easier for everyone.

When children don’t do as they’re told, and seem defiant, setting more rules and boundaries often doesn’t work. When a child is dyspraxic, whether or not in combination with other labels, what may seem like “I won’t” may really be ”I can’t”.

To change the dynamics, try catching them being good: Anytime you see anything that you can describe as positive, mention it and thank them.

Thank you for smiling. It makes me feel happy.

Thank you for picking that up. The room looks nicer now.

Thank you for putting that down gently. It made a nice soft sound.

Thank you for cleaning up. Let me help you.

Be very explicit about what good behaviour you are thanking them for.

Keeping up that positive praise moment after moment, day after day, is difficult. But in our experience, it will have an effect.

Ask your child for ideas on how they can calm down when they need to. Include your own calming down strategies. Show them we all need to manage our feelings sometimes.

In a busy family, often when tensions run high, we press each other’s buttons. But that’s not showing your child the best way to be. So pay attention, if you can, to also notice, recognize and thank each other for anything.

Sometimes you may feel, “If am going to catch that one being good I’d better not blink.”

And that’s okay.

Children who have difficulty paying attention, who don’t follow instructions, don’t do as they’re told when they’re told, often also have difficulty with social relations. Maybe they’re outside the group, feeling left out. Maybe they’re not getting on with their peers. What’s the connection?

Do you find they just ignore you or just don’t seem to be able to remember?

Well, maybe, just maybe, they’re not hearing and taking in everything that’s said to them. So what can we do about it? Obviously get their hearing checked. One boy we knew simply had wax in his ears, that was easily sorted by the doctor.

Consider how you are talking to them. There are ways to make it easier.

It always helps to thank a child, and be as patient as you can. People, especially neurodivergent children, cannot always remember and process information. They are probably trying their best. If that effort is not appreciated then they may become uncooperative.

“Why don’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?”

“I know you’re guilty because you’re looking away.”

Have people said this to you?

Is this kind of accusation something your child is facing?

Are they guilty? Did they do it? Do you know? Perhaps there’s another reason why they seem shifty, why their eyes slide away, seeming to avoid eye contact.

Well… to be able to hold eye contact you need both eyes to be able to focus efficiently on the other person’s face. And if your eyes don’t team well, you can’t. You may see the other person double, or going in and out of double. You may find it easier to look away altogether or to engage one eye on the person who insists, “look at me”.

And then you seem rude, or “shifty”, or untruthful, or as if you’re not listening.

We’re not saying that a person is never rude or not listening or lying. But rule out, first, the possibility that they just can not look at you.

– “I told my Mum I tried new stuff here, so my mum then wanted to know why I would try stuff with you, but not with her. I explained to my mum that she didn’t give me a safe enough space to be able to try anything new. And you did.”

– “So how did I do that?”

– “There was no pressure, no judgment if I didn’t like it, could just try small amounts. You didn’t judge me when I smelt it first. There was no pressure at all.”

– “Did that make it easier to try new things?”

– “Yeah, 100%.”

– “What things have you discovered that you keep eating?”

– “There’s been a lot of fruits actually, there was mango, avocado lots of new fruits.”

– “Why is that?”

“Because you never judged me if I didn’t like the texture. You encouraged me to try a tiny bit and it was OK if I spat it out. You told me the smell and taste can be different and it was right. I didn’t like the smell of avocado but I like the taste now. When I was younger, I got called stupid for that, you know. So, yeah, it was lovely. So there was lots of new stuff, even lentils and beans, rice. All them kind of things we’ve done together.”

“And do you eat them at home now?”

“I’ve tried doing them. I don’t do them as nice as you do them, but I’ve tried, which is a positive.”